Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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