anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
