so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
