Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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