Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize