first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
