Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this will be a night to untag.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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