I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I stole a fireplace last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
