After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
