my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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