Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
