Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
