fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize