i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
