New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
