I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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