my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
