somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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