Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize