i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ladies don't puke and tell
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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