Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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