If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
