tell your sister to shave her snatch
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
