oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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