I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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