is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
