He is an equal opportunity slut.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
