Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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