lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
