Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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