im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize