i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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