I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
