isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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