I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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