What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
