I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
