His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
