do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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