Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
