I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
