Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
