I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
