You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
