there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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