biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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