But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
