You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Randomize
