Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
