so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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