That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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