Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
