there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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