listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
