i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
