I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just pynch a tree in the face
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
