Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
