Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also, beer. Big fan.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
