dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
