you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
