I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
