that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize