But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
