I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
