Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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