I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
