when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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