if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
