Your dad touched me again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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