If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
