I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
