My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize