He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
